Tuesday, March 30, 2010
A bit of internal and external gloominess in paradise.....Is there such a thing as "vacation blues"???
I found myself quite gloomy and irritated yesterday and in the interest of meta cognition - thinking about how you think - a suggestion in a lot self-help books, I thought I'd explore it and see if any of you have thoughts or ideas.
It started with my own pettiness and ego, getting overly irritated with the concierge, and then having a hard time shaking those feelings - ego on my part all up in bristles. And ironically, on the flight down here, we'd seen someone get quite snippy with an airline person and in my at that point place of calm and good will, I turned to Greg and pronounced, Buddha like, "It's easy to be kind to others and in a good mood when everything is going your way, who can't do that?? It's when things are not going good that you really get to test your graciousness and good manners." Or something to that effect. My own need to work on those very skills about to be tested. I think the universe has a sense of humor and likes to put pompous would be Buddhas in their place;-)
Now I was the one bristling and no amount of inner Buddha talk was working. We then found ourselves almost 40 minutes late for a tour that I had really, really wanted to go on due to starting out too late and a lot of traffic. Greg had agreed to visit the sugar plantations with me, though only for my sake and commented 30 minutes into the dive at my white knuckled ire that he wished he'd stayed back at the hotel by the pool. He was then added briefly to my "aggravation hit list" despite the fact I knew he was with me as a favor and had done nothing wrong.
We finally got to the place and they kindly allowed us to just go meet up with the group and pay later and it was a fascinating, wonderful tour, but Greg was bored silly, typing into his blackberry for a good portion. We finally got back to the hotel mid afternoon, took a nap and went for a short walk where we discussed a bit about our business and how it can sometimes add stress to our relationship. Then it was time for dinner and it was nice to see good friends, but I didn't get as involved in the discussion as much as usual, just feeling by now a bit blue.
So then it was midnight and I was feeling quite blue, despite being in this gorgeous place with Greg and two of my closest friends in the world and their spouses less than a mile away (we normally live many states away) and feeling quite lonely.
So what IS all that. I kept asking myself why I couldn't just pull myself out of that bout of blues. Why couldn't I focus on how blessed I was to even be here, to be grateful just to be alive and with people I love in a beautiful place? Today there's only a trace of those thoughts as I'm excited to head off to my three hour garden tour. Is there such a thing as vacation blues??? Input appreciated. Eileen
P.S. It does occur to me that at home I have a huge "support network" in my entire house of happy sayings and posters every where I look - in each room - and also a lot of books about thinking positive. They serve as constant gentle reminders to focus on the good. The only books I brought on the trip were about plant propogation and teaching kids to read - with nary a think well reminder in any place I've been for over 72 hours - maybe that whole idea of marketing to happiness at home is really effective?