Wednesday, November 24, 2010

The Battle for My Mind;-).

I had a tough day Monday, learning that the second IVF cycle had failed. The day before I learned the editor who is doing the line edit had taken on another project, putting mine on hold. During this time, I have been listening to The Power by Rhonda Bryne, author of The Secret. In her book, she stresses again and again that your thoughts determine your world. And I absolutely believe that.

What can be disconcerting then, is how often I find negative thoughts streaming through my mind. I have started my flower painting (paint by number kit) which I love. It allows me to be completely still and focused. And yet at that time in particular, I hear fear thoughts come streaming through (what if the baby dream never works out) irritation thoughts (I can't believe that neighbor keeps letting her dog bark) sadness (mom looked quite a bit older the last time I saw her and I wish she would take better care of herself).

I myself am shocked at how much negative energy/ideas there are floating around in my head, when I generally think of myself as a positive person. What is all that muck? Why am I not sitting with my paintbrush in hand thinking how lucky I am to be married to a man who not only loves me and the kids, but has a kind heart, is a phenomenal provider and thinks I'm quite pretty. Why am I not overwhelmed at how lucky I am to have two healthy, smart, funny boys who love me and Greg and our families. Why don't I think more about how blessed I am to have wonderful parents, in-laws, financial stability, a new career start writing fiction, good health and to top it all off, happen to live in the free est country in the world?

In her book, The Power, Bryne suggests you train your mind, not unlike training your body, to focus on what you love, what you're grateful for, what makes you happy. I took out a new notepad a few days ago that I entitled Gratitude and Serendipity journal and am now making a nightly habit to remind myself of all the good I already have and to remind myself daily to appreciate all this wealth.

If any of you have little tricks that help you come out of the dole drums and focus on the awesomeness of life, I'd love to hear them. Good wishes! Eileen


  1. Just wanted to say that I'm sorry the cycle didn't work. I've done more IVF cycles than I want to admit so I know how horrible it can be. The only thing that kept me sane was the hope that I would get my baby somehow (and I did). I love your positive additude, and I can't wait to hear your positive (pun intended) news!

  2. What a lovely thing to get this encouraging note today. I appreciate your taking the time to write and will keep this thought in my mind. Good wishes! Eileen